Things that piss me off, Pt.1 (horror movies)
As a start to things that piss me off, I would like to make note of the genre of film that is filled with the most crap, the horror genre. I will point out either a) bad movies I have seen or b) movies with premises so dumb I must alert you to them
1) Japanese horror remakes. I will group them together, and say I have seen three of them (The Ring 1 and 2, and The grudge). all sucked. They were dull, predictable and not even violent.
2) remake of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (and I have also heard this is true for the remake of When a Stranger Calls. Dawn of the Dead the remake was good, but not as good as the original). Although the Texas Chainsaw Massacre had blood and gore, which was a good thing, it did not have scares. The original had no gore at all, and was creepy because it felt very realistic (it was shot almost like a documentary). Although gore can be fun (see the final destination movies, which I find to use gore well. I mean, a guy gets sliced in 3 by a fence, a woman gets killed by an airbag. It uses gore for irony.), it can be omitted when used with suspense. The original TCSM and Halloween both used this well. When a Stranger Calls may suck more seeing as it is PG-13 a.k.a. we cut out violence so more people would see it.
Now for the dumb premises you may not have heard of. You may also wonder how real actors signed up for this
1) Cherry Falls. It stars Jay Mohr (Jerry Maguire, the annoying as hell agent in the diet pepsi commercials), Brittany Murphy (Clueless, Sin City, Just Married) and Michael Biehn (has not done any good recent movies. He was, however, the man who comes from the future to stop the Terminator in Terminator 1, and also was the male lead who did not die in Aliens, the second alien movie.) Now, somebody with a dirty mind look at the title. Think about it. Know the town is supposed to be in Virginia. If you do not already understand, the movie is about a killer who only kills virgins (Virginia, Cherry get it). So how do resourceful teens protect (pun) themselves? By deciding to throw a sex party, where everyone comes (pun) to lose their virginity. This is a real movie, no joke.
2) Leprechaun. The title says it all, it is about a murderous Leprechaun. It actuallty is Jennifer Aniston's first movie. As if the first movie wasn't stupid enough, they made 5 sequels. Among them: Leprechaun in da hood, Leprechaun back 2 da hood, Leprechaun in Space.
3) Jack Frost. A movie about a serial killer who, through a chemical accident, becomes a snow man serial killer. Now, if this was not bad enough, there is a truly bizarre disgusting scene where he kills Shannon Elizabeth (Nadia, the hot European girl who masturbates, from American Pie). Now, why is it disgusting? Because he kills her in a bathtub by sticking his carrot nose in her............... vagina. Yeah. That's how. Snowman rape/murder.
Now there are good horror movies. I have already mentioned two old ones, Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Here are some others.
1) Scream. Not incredibly scary throughout, although the opening scene is absolutely fantastic at creating tension and makes it great. But also, the movie has very good characters and observations, and is way more intelligent than one would think. It has characters who aren't stupid, a great use o irony (The guy who played the Fonz is the principle who hates teen culture.) and questions whether horror movies create murderers. Also, is kind of funny.
2) George A. Romero zombie movies (Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead). Surprisingly, although I have not seen Day, all of these movies are different. One is a black civil rights/suburban critique, another criticizes mall culture, and the third criticizes the wealthy. How? Night has a black protagonist, who against all odds wins against the zombies. Then, when the military comes in, he is shot by the government. It waas made around the civil rights struggle, so you can see the point. Dawn has all the zombies flocking to a mall, not to eat people inherently (there are people in other places). They go there so they can be mall zombies. ah ha. Land is about rich board members who get away (mostly) at the expense of the poor.
That is all.
1) Japanese horror remakes. I will group them together, and say I have seen three of them (The Ring 1 and 2, and The grudge). all sucked. They were dull, predictable and not even violent.
2) remake of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (and I have also heard this is true for the remake of When a Stranger Calls. Dawn of the Dead the remake was good, but not as good as the original). Although the Texas Chainsaw Massacre had blood and gore, which was a good thing, it did not have scares. The original had no gore at all, and was creepy because it felt very realistic (it was shot almost like a documentary). Although gore can be fun (see the final destination movies, which I find to use gore well. I mean, a guy gets sliced in 3 by a fence, a woman gets killed by an airbag. It uses gore for irony.), it can be omitted when used with suspense. The original TCSM and Halloween both used this well. When a Stranger Calls may suck more seeing as it is PG-13 a.k.a. we cut out violence so more people would see it.
Now for the dumb premises you may not have heard of. You may also wonder how real actors signed up for this
1) Cherry Falls. It stars Jay Mohr (Jerry Maguire, the annoying as hell agent in the diet pepsi commercials), Brittany Murphy (Clueless, Sin City, Just Married) and Michael Biehn (has not done any good recent movies. He was, however, the man who comes from the future to stop the Terminator in Terminator 1, and also was the male lead who did not die in Aliens, the second alien movie.) Now, somebody with a dirty mind look at the title. Think about it. Know the town is supposed to be in Virginia. If you do not already understand, the movie is about a killer who only kills virgins (Virginia, Cherry get it). So how do resourceful teens protect (pun) themselves? By deciding to throw a sex party, where everyone comes (pun) to lose their virginity. This is a real movie, no joke.
2) Leprechaun. The title says it all, it is about a murderous Leprechaun. It actuallty is Jennifer Aniston's first movie. As if the first movie wasn't stupid enough, they made 5 sequels. Among them: Leprechaun in da hood, Leprechaun back 2 da hood, Leprechaun in Space.
3) Jack Frost. A movie about a serial killer who, through a chemical accident, becomes a snow man serial killer. Now, if this was not bad enough, there is a truly bizarre disgusting scene where he kills Shannon Elizabeth (Nadia, the hot European girl who masturbates, from American Pie). Now, why is it disgusting? Because he kills her in a bathtub by sticking his carrot nose in her............... vagina. Yeah. That's how. Snowman rape/murder.
Now there are good horror movies. I have already mentioned two old ones, Halloween and Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Here are some others.
1) Scream. Not incredibly scary throughout, although the opening scene is absolutely fantastic at creating tension and makes it great. But also, the movie has very good characters and observations, and is way more intelligent than one would think. It has characters who aren't stupid, a great use o irony (The guy who played the Fonz is the principle who hates teen culture.) and questions whether horror movies create murderers. Also, is kind of funny.
2) George A. Romero zombie movies (Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, Land of the Dead). Surprisingly, although I have not seen Day, all of these movies are different. One is a black civil rights/suburban critique, another criticizes mall culture, and the third criticizes the wealthy. How? Night has a black protagonist, who against all odds wins against the zombies. Then, when the military comes in, he is shot by the government. It waas made around the civil rights struggle, so you can see the point. Dawn has all the zombies flocking to a mall, not to eat people inherently (there are people in other places). They go there so they can be mall zombies. ah ha. Land is about rich board members who get away (mostly) at the expense of the poor.
That is all.
posted by Harry at 1:50 PM
1 Comments:
Note: Carroll, you are somewhat right, for possibly the first time in your life. jack Frost is the name of a kid movie that was released in 1998, as well as the aforementioned horror movie released in 1996. The family version also has a dead person returning to life as a snowman, but in the family one he helps his son after dying in a car crash. the horror is a different movie. Also, the scarecrow one does not come up on IMDB, and the Dark Harvest has 3 entries with no discription, so it did not help.
Post a Comment
<< Home